Friday, July 17, 2009

Someone was going to say it sooner or later

It finally happened last night.

"I've been watching him. I don't know if it's ADD or tourettes or just discipline, but I know something is wrong with him," a mom said looking at me.

She was talking about Dino.

Dino, my sweet lovable boy who seems to be a little delayed in almost everything but kindness. His gait is getting better, his speech is getting a little better. But he's still not up to snuff.

I know he's not. We've been to doctors. His special ed teachers don't know what it is. They think maybe dyspraxia, maybe mental cognition. The doctors think it might be the low muscle tone--that he will get better, it will just take longer and more work. I have asked about autism--every doctor and teacher has said no, not in the slightest. Some friends think he make have selective mutism because he has moments of perfectly clear conversation with me but very few other people.

I know because of the delays, he has confidence issues. We are trying to build him up. We have been blessed with this theater experience to have so many kids run up and hug him. His older sisters praise him constantly.

Things just aren't clicking.

He has had a few outbursts on stage because someone is out of place, and usually in his spot on stage, or his clothing gets messed up and he tries to fix it.

The other night when I was putting him to bed it took every bone in my body not to shake him and scream 'what is wrong with you?' but I held back, spoke to him. I did most the talking as his looked at me and nodded his head, occasionally whispering a quick response.

He does have a few friends at school. He laughs, he plays but rarely actually talks with them. It's more gestures and smiles.

I don't know what I should be doing to help him. I fear I am the reason he is having so many issues. I don't do enough with him. I don't give him the care and help he needs. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and he would be 'normal'.


Kathryn Lang said...

You could have the perfect child and others would still have something to say. Don't worry about diagnosing a problem. Just enjoy him - enjoy your life - and let the rest work out like its going to!

Wendy@RuensOnTheRun said...

Lisa - my eyes fill with tears for you! With two of mine battling with some type of speech disorder, I know how it feels. I wish I had the answers for you, but I don't. I don't have them for myself either. *Hugs* It will get better!

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Okay, first of all, I hope you told those ladies to shove it! Or, at least, told them that it was YOUR son they were talking about and maybe they should save their gossiping until they were alone.

I'm so sorry that you had to hear such judgmental rude people.

But, I feel so sad for you because I know how you feel. When our kids have something that is so hard to overcome, it takes everything we can not to overcome it for them. And, even worse, when we can't take the burden upon ourselves but must watch them suffer and do it for themselves.

I'll be praying for you!

KC said...

WOW for starters I can't get over some other mom saying that to you.. WOW what is wrong with some people.. goodness..

then ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
You have been doing all you can for him.. so don't think for a second that you are not doing what you need to as a mom.. God made Dino the way HE wanted him.. if he is diagnosed with a problem or it is just all delayed stuff and he will over come it with time and work.. God has a purpose for Dino's life if other people can not see that, that is there problem.. I'm sure it is hard to listen too, but try not to take it to heart.. Sounds to me like He is the sweetest little boy and one day he might be a great Man of God..
I'll continue to pray for you and Dino.

Susan said...

I want to reach out and give you a big hug. You are such a good mom to Dino! Try to ignore what other people say.

Mrs. Newlywed said...

First, I would sucker punch that woman for not minding her own business.

Secondly, don't worry about putting a label on it! Just keep loving and working with him.

Clearly, I'm not a doctor or a nurse, but he seems like such a sweet kid [from what you write]. I just imagine he brings smiles to so many people everyday.

Brian and Staci said...

Oh Lisa...I am so sorry you are feeling like you are :( I just cant believe it is you my dear friend..I just don't even know what to say or do to make you feel better...but I just know it is NOT you!!!!! It's hard "dispersing" time between children...and I only have TWO!!! are an amazing mother....and Dino is an AMAZING little boy :) Wish I was there to give a hug--or a glass of wine to you :) I hope you can try and let up on yourself....I think you are DIVINE!!!

Elaine A. said...

OH Lisa honey, it's NOT your fault. And that woman is just rude! I mean who says things like that?

I'm praying for Dino and you and I hope that no matter what his differences may be, you can enjoy him to the fullest! Such a sweet boy...

Jacque said...

That mom was very rude to say that! I am so sorry. God made him perfect, and you are his perfect mother. Saying a prayer for Dino, and you!

Dawn said...

I'm sorry someone was so rude to you!!
I am sure you are an excellent mother.....which is evident if Dino's biggest strength is kindness!!!!

mah-meeee said...

everytime i read about dino, i just want to dash on the next plane and go give you a hug.

i don't have any suggestions as what to do, but i know everything will work out. you are the BEST mother.


The White House said...

Hey Lisa, catching up on your past 6 posts or so and this one really caught me. You are a great mom and you desire to honor the Lord through your parenting. Hang in there, love him and continue to seek wisdom from the Lord. Remember that He has given you everything pertaining to wisdom and godliness.

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

I am a speech-language pathologist, whose son had to have speech therapy. I've been on both sides of the fence. I feel for you. It's hard to know there's something "wrong" with your child. It's hard to know that others are looking at your child differently and/or talking about him. And the guilt. . .

You didn't cause this. You didn't do anything wrong. I know I'm new to your blog, but I have to agree that God made him this way for a reason. Keep loving him and knowing that he has amazing qualities God has blessed him with. Now, I get nosey, is he receiving speech therapy? E-mail me if you have questions. BEST OF LUCK!!

EatPlayLove said...

Hugs, you deserve big hugs. And people who say rude comments deserve to be ignored.