Why Can't I Just Accept the Gift

The other day Mike came home from an afternoon out with the kids (giving me a much needed break) and handed me a beautiful box. Inside this lovely wrapped present was a very nice gift certificate for a full day at a very posh spa. 

He bought it 'just because'.

I was floored. We have been trying so hard to save money because the future is so uncertain. He is a self-employed real estate agent and to say our income is based on the shape of the economy is an understatement.

Knowing one of the rudest things a person can do is not accept a gift, I smiled, kissed him and thanked for thinking of me.

And then I spent the whole night wondering 1. Could I find a way to return it without anyone knowing and use the money for summer camps? 2. Can we really afford such a frivolity? 3. Why would he do this? 4. Why can't I accept the gift?

The fourth question really rung in my head. I love spa days. They are a fantastic way to relax, unwind and you feel like a million dollars when you are done being pampered from head to toe. Here was my husband offering me something wonderful and I was trying to find a way to get out of it. Wasn't I worth the day of pampering?

Why did I feel unworthy? I'm a good mom. I give my heart and soul (and even my sleep) to my family. A day at a spa is a wonderful thank you all moms should enjoy. Yet--I can't seem to get past spending that amount of money on just me.

Isn't there a better use for it?

And so I sit here on Good Friday feeling unworthy and my thoughts journey back 200o years when God brought us the greatest gift of all. His son. And out of pure love, His son gave His life for me, for us to be forgiven. And if there is anything I am not worthy of, this is it. 

Many of you know the line 'I a poor miserable sinner'. We recite it weekly as we confess our sins and a receive forgiveness. And I am so not worthy.

But God believes I am. He believes we all are. How are we to deny this gift He gives us?

And God knows so much more than we do!

I am feeling better about my much smaller gift. My husband loves me and feels I am worthy of this day at the spa. The gift is a way he is saying thanks and showing me his love.

What else is there for me to do but set up my day at the posh spa and enjoy it?