Monday, August 25, 2008

There's Just Too Much to See Waiting in Front of Me

The season is changing; kids are buying new shoes, getting hair cuts and buying school supplies. Moms who spent the lazy days of summer fixing meals, driving to camps, organizing vacations...are now faced with a not so noisy home and a caldron of emotions. There is that feeling of freedom--no constant messes unless we make them (and we never make a mess right?), no fighting or whining--and at the same time there is that small black hole in the very core of our soul as we let go of the hearts outside our body  and watch them as little birds test the air outside the nest. 

Usually this is the season I focus on getting the house back in order--the mud scrapped off the walls, the carpets cleaned, the refrigerator freed of the mystery food that has been forming new life. Then I might spend some time getting those errands I have put off forever--Spanky does need his birth certificate some day afterall. Before I know it my kids are back home. And they have changed; I have not. And that is not fair to me, my children or the God who has plans for me.

So I am looking to grow myself. I am trying to think back to what I enjoyed. I love to cook--maybe some new cooking classes; I used to write--maybe a writing class at the community college. I have always loved pilates--maybe I could get trained to teach. Whatever it is, I have to find something. My life has been on hold for ten years and I do not want to be the mom that can't handle living when her children do leave the nest. If they left tomorrow, I could not. And the last thing they need is guilt about 'abandoning' their mom.

And now I ask the question we ask our children all the time "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and search for an answer.

I didn't ponder the question too long, I was hungry and went out for a bite. Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum and we wound up drinking all night.

Don't I wish!


13 comments:

The White House said...

What a fantastic post. I love the gentle reminder to grow myself. I just sent my three year old off to her first day at Pre-k and am looking forward to some bonding time with my middle son... and I am looking forward to some growing time of my own.

Candy said...

this is such a scary question for me. It's not that I don't know- I just don't want to make a mistake. How do I know...that I know that I know that I know...that I'm right about the decision. PERSONAL GROWTH is definitely what needs to come FIRST.

Brian and Staci said...

You COULD NOT have put this more perfectly!!!! Just last night I was telling Brian...I'm so tired of just being tired from doing laundry, potty training (EEK!)...ya know, the "usual". While I love it and am thankful to do it...I need some outlet for myself! So...today...I'm back on the road to working out (before the old broken wrist accident occurred!) It's a little hard to do some things with this cast still on...but it certainly doesn't affect me working on abs (that is where it needs it the most anyway :) or the treadmill!! Didn't mean to go off there! It just hit home! Good luck in finding your outlet...I hope it's cooking lots of yummy things you'll share :)

Amanda said...

I just mentioned on my own blog that my life involves looking after the kids, cleaning the home and working at the hospital. I need to find a little hobby that i enjoy.
Lovely post.
l,
Amanda x

Elaine A. said...

Hey, no worries honey. They'll be home to mess up the house shortly. ; )

Good luck in finding your bliss! : )

Carol said...

Wow that got me thinking.

I need to do something for me. Now I just need to decide what. Decisions are not my forte.

anti-supermom said...

What a great post. I'm so excited for him to be back in preschool, but dreading that first day of Kindergarten. Well written~

Elizabeth said...

oh boy there are probably so many moms who can relate! ;-)

once Tulip & I return from our 10 day trip I'm getting her back on a good schedule...get orgainzed & get back to writing! I also need some pieces of me. :-)

good luck!!!!

OHmommy said...

Did you read my mind?

I have a list of household chores just waiting to be tackled once they start. I also signed myself up for a tennis class Monday nights from 8 to 9:30. I am soooooooooo looking forward to doing something for myself.

Purple Teacup said...

If it's Malibu rum you are on! Copper still doesn't have a birth certificate...=)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I found lots of satisfaction with volunteer work for a long time. Now I'm so happy to be almost done with my teaching degree--by the time the last one flies the nest I'll be happily on to the next stage of my life.

Lizz @ Yes, and So is My Heart said...

Oh, I think we can all relate. Keep us posted (literally) on what you end up pursuing. :)

Heidi said...

I teach Kindermusik class! :-) Looking forward to seeing your 3rd.