In the Spirit of Elisha Hunt Rhoads

Reader Note: Elisha Hunt Rhoades was a Union solider who wrote A LOT of letters home during the Civil War and was featured in the PBS Civil War series. 

Dearest Miley,

It has come to our observations that you seem to show a lack of desire to truly explore and study the great steps your forefathers have taken in this country. I am filled with distress as I find you do not feel the need to pour your heart into the history of our great nation.

When you were told that your father's family and your mother's family fought against each other not only in the Revolutionary War (your mother's family was from Hessians who consumed far too many spirits on Christmas Eve and your proud father's family served directly under George Washington) but also the Civil War (your now established mother's family helped free the slaves and your father's family fought for the ways of the genteel South),  I regret to say you show little emotion nor concern.

I admit this saddens your father and I as we watch you slowly drift to sleep when we watch the Civil War Series produced by the great film maker Ken Burns. I can only wonder what is going through your mind that is more important than your history lesson.

At the moment the great Southern writer described an encounter among Union soliders and a trapped rebel--"Why are you fighting?" "Because you are here."--both your father and I found the comment interesting and truly a satisfactory answer, you had turned you head against the pillow and had closed your eyes. 

We are troubled and pray we will find a cure for this seemingly disrespect that has plagued your disposition. 

In God's Hands and Hope,

Your mother 

21st Century translation--Miley, FOCUS darn it. This movie will help you understand your roots and help you get good grades in history.

So yesterday just plan sucked

Be warned--this post is going to contain an unusual amount of rambling, and this comes from someone who always rambles.

I am dealing with more junk from Dino's special ed program. As you might remember, Dino goes to a special ed preschool with the public school program for speech and gross motor issues three days a week and a private school two days a week.

We had what I thought was a quick meeting. I thought it would be the typical quick parent conference. Dino is great at this, we love his little smile, work a bit on this, he's a joy, he has trouble here, blah, blah, blah. Not quite. I walked in thinking I have a little boy who is a bit delayed thanks to minor low muscle tone issue (as I have been told by doctor after doctor, expert, after expert). I left the room scared my son has a serious problem with his brain and needing an MRI now.

So yeah, not feeling too great.

The meeting started off OK. Not many positives but pretty much things I knew. He can't balance on one foot, he doesn't alternate feet on steps, he only plays with the three other children (all girls--two of which are 'peer' models--ie advanced for their ages) for short amounts of time. And he isn't holding his pencil right. I was not too concerned. I know this. I work with him at home.  He didn't walk until 24 months, I know many physical things are going to require more practice and effort. I smiled and jointed done notes--we'd do more climbing, work on walking in straight lines, writing correctly with stubby crayons. He was going to be fine.

And then the physical and occupational teachers walk in. My world crumbled very quickly.

They began stressing how bad he is at jumping, not jumping with feet together,  not jumping over objects, not hopping around on one foot, using his feet to kick off his shoes. I mentioned his doctor said he would be a good year behind for a while because of the low muscle tone and as long as he was improving (and oh my goodness--can I brag--he has amazed me with his improvements, willingness to try; the boy is night and day from a year ago), he was not concerned.

"Oh he's over a year behind," the teacher begins.

I purse my lips and look at her.

She continues, "What does his neurologist say?"

"He never saw a...."

"He's never been seen by a neurologist?" her tone is almost scolding. "Do you mean he has never had an MRI?"

"The thing on his head is just a birth defect, "I said. 

Dino was born with some skin missing on the top of his head that showed his skull. I have discussed this with his doctors at birth, the doctors at the hospital, his old ped, his new ped and anyone who listen. ALL of them assured me he was OK and this rare condition just happens from time to time.

"Well, "she says. "If it were my child, I would have had an MRI done."

The other teacher is quickly nodding her head and I want to sink in my chair and die.

"I mean. There could be something very wrong and we need to know."

"Does it seem like something is very wrong with him? No one has ever said this. His other preschool says he is great and just like the other kids. He does well in his Sunday school class too."

"Really?" she looks shocked. "But did your other kids act like this?"

"Not to this degree but Sarah and Spanky were late walkers," I really want to cry right now.

"Well, we need the MRI. We need to know what is wrong."

"You don't think it's his muscles?"

"No."

And that was pretty much it. I went over to the other side of the room to get the kids and asked Spanky to stop throwing the play food. Dino started to pick it up. And then the teachers were calling Dino "Spanky" again and again. I don't know if they were just thinking of how I was just speaking to Spanky and since I said his name if they just got mixed up. Or did they just not remember Dino's name. The boy they just said had serious problems.

I left and scheduled an appointment with a neurologist.

*********

Fast forward to today I have cried enough tears to fill a small lake. I have thrown up. I have balled up on the sofa. I did not sleep. 

I always thought I was there for my kids. Could it really be possible that my gut feeling that Dino is really OK but just needs a bit more, well a lot more pushing is wrong. Did I make a big mistake not demanding more tests when he was little? What have I done?

And then I think back to those teachers. Maybe it is just my defenses but I did not feel they truly cared for Dino. I have been around a lot of teachers and I know when there is compassion. I did not feel that from this school. I have never felt that from this school. Am I allowing this school to label him and do him more harm than good?

Regardless, he will see the neurologist and if that comes out OK, we will go to Shriners to see what could be happening. I do not want to feel like I have not done everything. But one thing I won't do, I won't label Dino. Even if something is very wrong, I will not label my wonderful, sweet, caring son. In my mind, he is and always will be perfect.

A bottle of white, a bottle of red, perhaps a bottle of rose' instead

My girls and now my younger son attend a very unique school. They go to school two days a week, home school two days a week and go to extra curricular activities like art, PE, drama and speech one day a week. It's called cooperative teaching but I just call it half-homeschool. There are some really great things about this--I do not plan lessons, I don't pick out the curriculums, I don't give the tests (usually), I can take a very active role in their education, I can spend more time on problem areas, I can spend more time with them and I can get breaks. And there are some really crappy sides to it, like  we are on schedule--most home schoolers can go off on bunny trails or take time off for family events, like the birth of a child. We can't. The assigned work/review has to be done. And then of course there are times when I just don't feel like teach and I have to anyway.

But by far the crappiest side is orientation week--this week. I get to find sitters for the kids (the bright side) and then get bombarded with papers and lectures about what we need and how we are going to help the kids.  Every teacher is different.  Please don't get me wrong--the teachers are great; they are just so thorough that it is overwhelming. I am that mom struggling to write down every word even though I know they will have grace periods/reminders for incorrect headings, not every kid will remember every supply, and the first week is designed to deal with all the new 'rules'.  But I don't want to get it wrong, at all. I do not want to make a single mistake, ever. So I start to panic the Sunday before orientation week. I can't sleep. I worry I am missing something--school supplies, uniform pieces, textbooks, my mind.... I start to worry about the review I did with the kids over the summer, well actually the lack of review.  I panic the first day of school the teacher will pass out work and my kids will look at it like it's Chinese. 

And my panic turns to stress and we all know what a stressed mommy makes a house. Our entire world is in sudden chaos right now. I have a ZIT. I do not get zits. But I have a zit. This is how stressed I am. After my first orientation meeting, I came home ordered a pizza and popped open a Shiner Bock ( and I am not a beer drinker). Then for breakfast--the kids had left over pizza. They have never had this but I am a wreck. And for right now I don't think I care. I need to know what needs to be in the school supply box--and I do not want to forget, anything.

And after I confirm I have everything, I begin to panic about the new year. What if my kids just don't get this? What if I am crappy teacher on this subject? What if I lose my cool like the time last year, I got so frustrated with Miley I broke a pencil in half while writing out steps to her missed math problem on the paper, or I get so annoyed with Sara's whining about her math drill that I have to go to my room, slam my door and scream in a pillow? What if I go nuts and just run out of the house naked and screaming? It could happen, really.

I feel I need a plan to make the year perfect. Every year, we get tips to make this the best year ever--add fun learning games, be sure to include exercise, be CONSISTENT. I usually write schedule after schedule or make rewards like the treasure box. I try and strive to be consistent but the fact is we are a family of 6. There are always hurdles and roadblocks, no matter what I do.  So this year, I panic and try to think of what to do. A morning bike ride as a break with Spanky in the stroller (I'll run), a schedule that imitates the school one, earned lunch outings, the treasure box (that one actually works), but this year I might add something different. I am thinking a weekly, maybe daily trip to the wine shop might make this the best school year ever :)

Taking a break from ballet

We are in the midst of tech rehearsals, dress rehearsals and well plain ol' sit-around-and-wait-in-the-theater-for-your-dance rehearsals (guess which one takes the longest?). Yep, it is ballet week. The performance the girls have been practicing for since Christmas. The performance my family is flying down from Ohio to see. Yes, it's a big deal.

The one thing I really enjoy about this week is how it seems to overtake all my thoughts. My fears and doubts about Dino and his schooling next year are pushed out of my mind for at least a little while. Dino, it seems, is qualified for special ed. He has some gross motor issues and he is very shy. To be honest, he really only speaks to me and to his oldest sister. Everyone else in his life gets the three to four sentences if they are lucky. I know he needs the help but I also know I want him to start the pre-k program at the school with his sisters next year. 

I want him to go to both--three days at the special pre-school and two days at the private school. I want him to get the the extra attention he needs but I also want to keep him in an authentic classroom for social skills. The special ed teacher does not agree; she thinks Dino should be in her classroom daily. Dino's doctor is indifferent--he can see pluses to both. At this point, I am leaning toward both schools but I just don't know.

I want to do what is best for Dino. When I sat in the special ed meeting, I got the feeling they viewed Dino as a file of numerous tests and surveys and not just a little boy. They went at length to discuss his shortcomings but very little mention of what he could do. I mentioned at the meeting how Dino knew all his letters by sight and phonetically. The comment was met with disregard. I found this upsetting. 

The private pre-school on  the other hand has always felt different. From the start, the head mistress has asked how we as parents feel, how we work with Dino, how Dino feels about sitting and coloring. It just was completely different.

So here I sit, debating what direction I need to go. Full time special ed or an education with a great deal of special ed enrichment. I wish more than anything I could just talk to someone and just KNOW what to do. But there's really only one person that knows Dino well enough to truly know what to do and that's me. So I debate back and forth...but not today. Today I must retact that tutu.