I think I can I think I can I think I can....who am I kidding?

Since September, I have had a babysitter watch my two younger children while I homeschool my older two. well, the 'nanny' got lazy, I saw little compassion in her with the kids and we had to get rid of her. I had seen the laziness for a while but I was so hooked on being able to concentrate with the girls I ignored it. Well it got harder to ignore as the two younger ones spent more and more time in the homeschool while she ate or whatever. More stuff and yadda yadda yadda we had to let go.
Now I am alone and terrified. We did a semi-homeschool ay today as a trial run. I had no idea my boys (the younger ones) needed me so much. I tried to distract the younger ones with games/toys they had not seen in a while but it was very difficult.
I am not sure I can do this---POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE--I can do this. It's going to take a lot of coffee--maybe even an occasional irish coffee (KIDDING!) but I can do it.
Oh Lord help me!